You Never Know
by elista
Summary: You never know who might love you, you never know who you might fall in love with... Mostly CM and CR... You never know. Btw, this is my first fanfic, so pls be nice R&R, thanks COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: No, I do not own these characters.

Chapter 1

"God, it's been such a long week" sighed Chandler. He had just returned from work on Friday. He couldn't focus on anything but whole London situation. He let his thoughts go back one week ago - who could believe it's been just one week - to the time he, Monica and Joey came back from London. He remembered the last conversation in every single detail. Joey and Phoebe had finally left home and at least they had a chance to talk about the whole thing.

"Well, we certainly are alone" Monica said.

"Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule" Chandler smiled. He felt somehow different. He knew it's not what he would want to say or do, but then again, he wasn't really sure what _does_ he want.

Monica returned his smile. "You know, maybe it's a good thing we only had that one night, I... I mean it was really great and all, but it's you and me, y'know... It would be awkward keep doing it here."

Chandler felt as if she would have thrown a glass of cold water at him. It wasn't weird for him to be with her and no matter what, he'd never call what they did or could possibly do again awkward. He was going to tell her that, but instead he heard himself laughing and telling her, that it sure would've been strange. He gave her a friendly, or so he hoped, hug, said "Bye" and left to his apartment.

"Definitely weird" thought Monica. "Sure, it was great, but it's just Chandler..., and though I really would've liked to do it again, it's better like that". And with that she finally went unpacking, without even having any second thoughts.

Now a week later, Chandler was alone in his apartment - Joey obviously was with the date - and he kept thinking if it would have made a difference if he'd told her the truth. And the truth was that he wanted to try. He wasn't sure where would it take them and if this would possibly work out, but he would do anything at least to try. As soon as he realized that, he decided it might not be too late, after all it's just been a week and it still might work out.

Chandler stood up from his barcalounger and with all the guts he had went across the hall to tell Mon he wants to try. As always, the door was open and as soon as he walked in with all the line prepared, he froze not wanting to believe what he saw. There she was, all beautiful and sexy and he felt his heart skipped a beat. The world has faded and he felt weak and all so stupid. He slowly walked out the door painfully noticing she didn't even notice him. No, she was too busy kissing Richard.

Chandler went back to his apartment, feeling he might throw up. Everything seemed somewhat blurry except the image he saw in his head. "Mon... and this big tree!!!! Oh, come on, he already had his chance!! What the hell was he doing here?" Chandler started to feel anger growing inside him. "It should be me there, not that huge mustache man!!" And all of the sudden Chandler realized that anger was not the only thing he was feeling. He felt hurt. And betrayed. He knew it didn't make sense, Mon and he was never a couple or something, but he couldn't help feeling lonely and dumped. He sat down feeling if he won't then he'll just fall down. He started to breath slowly, trying to calm down and make this sharp pain go away. And as he sat there the door opened. He turned straight away hoping to see Monica, but there was Rachel, who apparently just got back from Greece. She went in, looking all miserable and faintly smiled at him.

"Do you mind me staying here for a while?" she asked "Mon is kind of busy at the moment, and I don't wanna disturb her right now."

"Sure, come in" Chandler smiled. "Are you just back from the airport?" he asked "do you want something? Tea, coffee, beer, whiskey?"

"Yeah, I need a drink. Whiskey will be fine. A double one. No ice." Rachel nodded. "And I don't want to talk about the damn London and the fact I'm absolutely stupid"

"Join the club" murmured Chandler while pouring her and himself huge portions of whiskey.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked. "Who are you talking about?"

"No one" he replied. "I just don't want to talk about that too. I know it doesn't make much sense to you, but believe me, you're not the only one who got all stupid in London. Cheers!" he lifted his glass towards her and drank the whole thing at once.

"Whoa" Rachel gasped. Then she thought for a moment and finished her drink along with him.

"So, how are you doing?" asked Chandler and poured them another drinks. "What's new, what's bad?"

"Oh well, you know all the same stuff - I'm stupid, Ross is married and my life is a disaster" Rachel laughed, feeling miserable. "And on top of that, there is one happy couple in my apartment - you knew Mon back with Richard again?"

"Yeah, I saw them" - Chandler replied, trying to be as much indifferent as he could. "Good for them" he added, feeling he's heart is breaking. It must've been something in his voice, because Rachel gave him a strange look.

"Are you okay? I mean you seem strange."

"I am perfectly well!" he answered finishing his drink. "I'm actually glad you came over. It's nice not to be alone, y'know" he smiled at her.

Rachel saw something really bad happened to him, but she didn't want to question him. After all, he was all nice and didn't make any stupid jokes nor was he asking about the things Rachel wasn't ready to talk about. Besides, she understood him perfectly, she didn't want to be alone tonight and to be honest, she was glad it's him she was with. Monica would get all judgmental and later protective and now Rachel only wanted to be with a friend, the one who would not ask things and would simply be there. So she stood up and went to sit with him on the barcalounger. Chandler moved a little and so Rachel sat down and hugged him.

"I'm glad you're my friend, y'know" she said. "And I'll be there for you when you need me"

"Thanks, Rach" he smiled at her. "But if you'll keep being so nice and all, I might just throw a stupid joke or something"

"Shut up." Rachel gave him a small smile and put her head on his shoulder.

Chandler hugged her and for the first time this long long week he felt okay. They just sat there, without talking, just sipping their drinks, each in their own thoughts but happy they were not alone.

Next morning, after Rachel had gone home, Chandler decided that he can't do anything else, but face Monica. She thought nothing happened and they were just friends, so he couldn't keep avoiding her or she would realize something was wrong. Besides, although deep down he knew that seeing her will hurt him, he couldn't stop wanting to see her, to at least be close to her. So he gathered all the courage and went across the hall.

"Hello children" he said entering the apartment. A second later all he could do is just keep smiling in order not to let anyone know the way he was feeling. She was there, of course, but so was he.

"Hi Chandler" Monica answered softly and smiled at him. "How you've been doing? I haven't seen you for all week. Oh, by the way, you do remember Richard, don't you?"

"How could I forget!" he answered. "Hi Richard, so, you're back. How's life, children, retirement?"

"Chandler!" Monica looked at him with anger in her eyes. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, come on, I'm just kidding."

"Well it's not funny!"

"Sorry" he looked at her. He knew it was not Richards fault, but he just couldn't help it.

"Oh, hi Chandler!" Rachel greeted him entering the room. She softly smiled at him, then came closer and hugged him. "Thanks for last night" she whispered and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Do you want some breakfast?"

Chandler returned her smile and felt he was getting a little better. "No, thanks. Besides, I don't think I'm welcome here at the moment." he gave her a boyish look. "Sorry once again Richard, I didn't mean to offend you. See you later guys." He waved at them and left. He closed the door to his apartment and sighed loudly. "Oh my God!" he thought. "I'm not gonna be able do this for a long time."

Rachel entered his apartment and looked at him curiously. "What's the matter? Are you okay?" she asked worrying.

"I'm fine" he smiled. "Don't worry."

"No you're not fine! Come on Chandler, it's me, you can talk to me."

"Oh, alright, then how about we talk about you and the entire London thing?" he asked sharply.

Rachel looked at him painfully.

"Sorry, Rach." he apologized. "I didn't mean that. Sorry. I'm in a bad place right now and I don't want to hurt you too. I think it would be better if I'd be alone for a while."

"It's okay. I understand. If you want, we can not talk about the stuff bothering us, but there's no way I'm leaving you alone" she shared a little smile.

"Thanks, Rach, you're the best".


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"God, it has been the longest two months ever". Somehow this thought was the most often lately. The time seemed to stop and was not willing to get any faster. Chandler wish it did go faster, because every single day and every single time he saw her, he kept telling himself, that as time passes, he'd get over her. It's been two months now, and not that it become any easier, it was getting more and more difficult every single day. He had already stopped telling himself it was just a crush and had to admit, that he was totally in love with Monica. With Monica, who was absolutely happy with the love of her life - Richard. And every single day he was aching having to see her smiling at him, looking at him, kissing him. The only comforting thing was that he got very close with Rachel lately. They had been doing everything together - watching movies, drinking coffee, having breakfast, lunch and dinner. They supported one another without questions. He helped her go through all the Ross thing - seeing him desperately wanting get back with Emily wasn't exactly the easiest thing for Rachel. She on another hand was always supporting him, holding his hand or simply hugging him every time he was sad. She never asked anything, but Chandler knew that she must suspect something. After all, every time he saw Monica and Richard he got that painful look in his eyes and she'd always come in checking on him. He was grateful she never asked anything. He took her support and did the best to return it and always be there for her. Lately, she got used to coming over in the evening, just to watch TV and usually they'd fall asleep together on the couch. Both of them knew, that the others are suspecting they'd become a thing, but they'd just laugh at it and enjoyed being friends.

"Earth to Chandler" Joey grinned. "Come on, dude, where are you?"

"Oh, Joe, I was just thinking... How long have you been standing here?"

"Just a minute or two" Joey smiled. "I bet I know who are you thinking of. It's her, isn't it?"

Chandler felt as if he was hit in the stomach. Didn't he hide it well enough? Even Joey knows... well then everybody knows.

"Who her? What are you talking about?" he murmured.

"Rachel, of course! Oh, come on, I've seen you two, you're always together. I bet if I asked you where she was, you'd know that" he laughed.

"She's at the dentist. Her tooth sores a bit. And do you even have a point?" he started to get annoyed. Everyone just kept fixating on him and Rach being together when all he wanted was to be with Monica. Besides, he was scared, that if she thought that too, she may never look at him. Not that she was showing any interest in him what so ever, but Chandler couldn't help it hoping, that maybe someday she would.

"Of course I have a point! Dude, it's Rachel! She's hot! And she wants you!" Joey grinned. He himself couldn't believe that someone like Rachel would ever show any interest in someone like Chandler, but apparently she did. And the strangest thing was that Chandler didn't seem to want her back!

"No she doesn't" Chandler answered calmly. "She wants Ross. Or wanted, but I think she's getting better already." he smiled shyly thinking of her.

"Dude, you're blind. Alright, I just hope you'll see it before it will be too late." he added. "And now I gotta go, I have a really hot date tonight!"

"Good luck, Joe, have fun!"

As Joey walked out the door, Monica went in. "Chandler, can I talk to you, please..." she said weakly.

Chandler rushed to her. Her eyes were filled with tears, her hands were shaking and she barely could speak.

"What happened, sweetie? What's wrong?" he asked with such tenderness and love in his voice, that she broke down.

"What am I doing, Chandler? Why did I get into this again? I knew he didn't want to have children! Why... why would I think he might've changed his mind?"

"Shh, Mon, it's gonna be fine. I'm sure, that now, when you guys are back together he'll reconsider the whole 'no kids' thing" he said softly. It hurt like hell not to be able to say, that she doesn't need him and she should take him instead, as he'd do anything just to be with her and make her happy. He wanted to say, that Richard is just an idiot if he can't appreciate her and if he doesn't want to fulfill her every dream. Instead he hugged her and sat her down on the couch, stroking her back gently. "You'll see, it'll be fine, he won't risk at loosing you again. You guys will have children".

"No, we won't! I asked him already. He said that nothing has changed as for him, and that he was hoping that my point of view has changed. Chandler, what do I do? I love him, and I know he loves me too..." hot tears burst from her eyes. She looked so helpless, so scared that Chandler had to comfort her somehow. He caressed her face and stroke her hair gently.

"You'll work it out, I'm sure you will" he whispered.

Monica looked at him quietly. She wanted to believe him so much! And it was so good to be held by him. She knew he'd do anything she wanted; he was so faithful, so good. And by the way, she thought of him as of her special friend, before the whole Rachel story began. Now she thought they were getting together, but at the moment she couldn't think of anything except that he was here, so close to her, holding her so tightly, protectively and his eyes sparkled. She could feel his heartbeat was getting stronger and faster as she was looking at his eyes. She moved a little bit closer without breaking the look. Then suddenly she couldn't think of anything else but kissing him. She wanted it so badly... Monica leaned towards him ant softly kissed him on the mouth. Chandler pulled her closer and returned her kiss passionately. It was no longer a soft brush against the lips; he sank into it, feeling his body was filled with joy and relief. They made out for few minutes, before Chandler finally realized what was going on. He broke the kiss and looked at her.

"Mon, are you sure about this? I... I mean, it's not just because you had a fight with Richard?" he asked hoping she would tell him it was about them.

Monica shook her head and kissed him again. "It's because you're my friend, and I need this now. I need a friend, I need a lover, and I need some comfort..."

Chandler felt his heart was torn. It's not what he wanted to hear. But it was Monica and she was in his arms and he was already screwed up... He kissed her passionately, then he stood up, took her hand and walked her into his bedroom. "I'm not getting in the middle of something, right? I mean you and Rachel..." Chandler hushed her with the kiss. "There's no me and Rachel, Mon... and now it's me and you". Monica smiled at him. It was so good to feel like that, to feel appreciated, desired. She saw the look in Chandler's eyes – he definitely wanted her. She pulled him closer and they once again sank into the kiss. All of the sudden it all became blurry and nothing else mattered, only being there, together.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi! Here's next chapter. It took me a while as I tried to change it a bit. Thanks for all the reviews, they were very useful and made me think about other characters. Not much in this chapter though, but definately in the next one! btw, I still don't know if it's CR or CM, but hopefully I'll decide it soon. :) R&R, thanks.

I still don't own them.

Chapter 3

Next morning Chandler woke up with the biggest smile on his face. "Oh my God!" he thought "It finally happened and it was so worth to wait". He looked at her, she was still sleeping. She looked so peaceful and happy. Chandler leaned to her and kissed her. Monica began to wake up. She opened her eyes slowly.

"Chandler" she murmured.

"Oh my God, Chandler!" Monica sat up with her eyes widened. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! What did I do? No, no, no, no." She hid her face in her hands.

"Mon, calm down. Everything is going to be fine." Chandler tried to comfort her. He started to worry. Was this just a mistake to her?

"How can you say that? I am in loving, committed relationship with the man I love and here I wake up in your bed!" she started to scream without noticing the pain on Chandler's face.

"I'm a horrible, horrible person! Oh God, this is so bad. How could I've done that? What was I thinking? I love Richard!"

Chandler stood up and started to get dressed. He knew that any time now he could break down and tell her everything he was feeling, all the hope, love and terrible disappointment. She loves Richard. Of course she does. What was he thinking? That one night might change that?

"Calm down Mon, you've started panicking. It's gonna be fine." He took a deep breath and added "Besides, Richard doesn't have to find this out. Clearly it's just a mistake for you, so why bother telling him about that? You love him, he loves you. That's all that matter."

"You're right. We simply made a mistake. I will make up for it to him. He doesn't have to find this out. It's just a stupid, stupid mistake. No, no, no! What am I saying? How can I hide this from him? Oh, God, what am I going to do? I need to talk to him, he has to forgive me, and he has to understand."

"Right." Chandler said calmly, trying to think about something else. "I gotta go, Mon. Will you be fine?"

"Sure. And I'm… I'm sorry Chandler. I really don't know what got onto me. This will never happen again. I'm really, really sorry."

"Don't worry about me. Hell, I just had sex with Monica" he laughed. Every word she was saying hurt like a knife, but there's no way Chandler would let her see that. After all she didn't care about him, so what's the point?

"You'll work it out with him, you'll see. And now I really need to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?" He smiled at her and rushed out the door. Chandler ran downstairs knowing that if he'd stop, he wouldn't be able to get out anymore. He held his feelings for as long as he could, but when he finally got outside he couldn't do it anymore. He sat down on the closest bench, put his face in his hands and started to cry. He hasn't done that since he was nine, but it didn't matter anymore. The pain was so overwhelming he couldn't stop. He cried quietly, not letting anyone see it. Suddenly he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. He looked up hoping it would be Monica, but instead he saw Rachel. She looked at him and said softly:

"I saw you ran out, Chandler. Well to be honest, I thought you would. It's Monica, isn't it?" Chandler just nodded. He knew if he would try to speak now, his voice would be so tearful that she wouldn't understand him anyway. Rachel sat down next to him and hugged him firmly. "She stayed over, right? Did you tell her how you feel? What happened?"

"No I didn't. She doesn't care, y'know. She came to me last night. Complained about Richard not wanting to have children. She was so sad, and… y'know so close to me. When she kissed me I couldn't turn her back. And I didn't. And now… now again I'm just a mistake…" he couldn't talk anymore.

"Sweetie, you're not a mistake. She has no right to make you feel like that. I mean you're sweet, and caring, and so devoted…" Rachel felt she was so angry with Monica she could just kill her. What the hell was she thinking of? There he was, the most loving person, who would do anything for her and she's treating him as if he was worth nothing!

"Yeah, right. It's… It's just that I can't stand this anymore. I can't see her with him. I can't see her look when she's looking at him… Why, why did he have to come back? I mean after London I really started to feel that we could be together... and then he had to come along! It's not fair, y'know."

"I know, sweetie, I know." Rachel just hugged him once again and sat there quietly, letting him grieve.

Several minutes later Chandler started to calm down. He looked at Rachel and thought of how lucky he was, he had her.

"Rach, I'm all better now. I mean there's nothing really I can do about it, is there? And sorry for being such a wuss." He shared a smile with her.

"Sweetie, it's okay. I know how tough it can be. I gotta ask, you said 'after London', what did you mean? What happened in London?" She asked curiously.

"Well, in London… You remember Monica complaining that some drunken guy thought she was Ross's mother? Well she got really upset and... drunk." He smiled. "So she came to my hotel room and... and we kind of did... it. But after we came back home, we decided it was a mistake and shouldn't be repeated again... And idiot that I am, it took me all week to realize that I really want her. But by that time, she was already with Richard... By the way, how long did you know?" Chandler asked quietly.

"Almost from the beginning. The way you looked at them didn't leave many doubts." She replied. "I wonder how everybody else can think we're a thing now" she laughed.

"Yeah, could you be more out of my league?" he smiled.

"Oh, Chandler. You should give yourself much more credits. For all I know, it's you who's out of my league!" she replied a little annoyed. She hated when he started act like that, as if he was worse than everybody else.

"Thanks, Rach. I love you, y'know?"

"I love you too, sweetie." She smiled. "Alright and now, lets get some breakfast. I know you're not hungry" she continued without letting him speak "but I am and I don't like to eat alone." She took his hand and made him come with her.

Chandler let her walk him to the coffee house. When they sat down and ordered he asked quietly.

"Rach, please don't tell Mon I told you about us, okay?"

"What? Of course I will. And believe me I'll let her know what I think about her!"

"No, Rach, don't." he pleaded. "She needs you right now. She needs a friend and I'm sure she'll come to you. I mean it's Monica, y'know. And she has just cheated on the love of her life. She'll need your support. Please, please be there for her."

"Chandler, how can I do that, when I know what she's doing to you? I mean it's wrong, she has no right to do that!"

"Please, Rachel… All I want is her to be happy. I'm not the one who would make her happy, Richard is. And she must be feeling awful about it now. Help her out, okay? Tell her it was just a stupid mistake. They will work it out." Chandler smiled at her.

Rachel couldn't stand looking at this smile. She felt his heart was bleeding, but there was nothing she could do about it.

"Alright." She finally agreed. "I'll try. But if she'll get all Monica like about it I'll definitely tell her what I think!"

"She won't. Thanks, Rach that means a lot to me. Now let's change a subject. For some time now I was meaning to ask you if… if you were ready to talk about you and whole Ross thing. I mean, I heard he and Emily are getting back together again and… and well, how are you Rach?"

"Y'know, when I heard about that, I thought my heart would stop. But later, I kept thinking just how stupid I was… I mean, what was I thinking? And… and the more I think of it, the more I know, that that's for the best. I mean nothing has really changed since I broke up with him… He still has cheated on me and I still don't trust him. And… well it's kind of annoying seeing him all hung up on Emily." she smiled. "I… well I just don't think us getting back together would be okay anymore, y'know. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I think I'm finally over him." She smiled.

"Really?" Chandler looked at her surprised. "Well that's really great! I mean it's been so long and all… I'm happy for you Rach."

"And you know what? I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for you."

"Thanks, Rach. I mean I know you just want to cheer me up and make me feel less useless, but…"

"Oh will you stop it already?!" she interrupted angrily "You're not useless, you're not stupid and you're not a mistake! I mean if you weren't so madly in love with Mon, I would fall for you in a minute! Chandler, you're great. You're loving and you're caring. What else can a girl want from a guy?!" Suddenly Rachel realized that she was not just comforting him, she really meant that. She could fall for him…

"Okay, Rach, calm down." He looked at her surprised. "You mean you really could fall for me?" he asked smiling boyishly.

"Sure I could. And I'd be happy about it. Do you hear me? Any girl would be happy to have you."

"Yeah, just not the one I want" he said sadly. "But oh well…it's life. And believe me Rach, I would be happy to have you too!" he laughed. "What is it about us and the Gellers?"

"I don't know, sweetie, but I'm sure we will be fine without them."

"Yeah" he nodded, "After all, there's nothing we can really do about it. Alright, no matter how much I hate it, but I have to leave you for now, Rach. I gotta go to work. See you later and… thanks for everything." He smiled, kissed her on a cheek and left.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry, this one is a bit short, I really don't have that much time lately. Anyway, I finally decided if it will be CM or CR. You can't really say that from this chapter, but at least I have clear guidelines in my head :) so please enjoy :) and of course r&r, thanks.

n.b. Don't own them.

Chapter 4

Rachel sat there and kept thinking how he didn't deserve that. Oh God, he was so sweet. And he always made people feel they were appreciated and special. Even with his silly jokes, he never really wanted to hurt anybody; that's just the way he was. Rachel remembered when she met him after she had left Barry. He seemed to be so goofy and sarcastic. But when she got to know him better she started to realize, that apart from that, he was also very devoted and would always stick to the ones he loved. He would support them in his own special way and they all knew if something happened he would be there for them. It was so unfair what Mon was doing to him. Rachel wanted so badly to go over to her and tell her everything she felt about it. But she had promised Chandler she wouldn't do that and was going to keep the promise. After all he trusted her. The more she thought about it the stranger the situation they were both in seemed. Before London they were never the ones who shared their feeling with each other. Rachel would usually speak to Monica and as far as she knew, Chandler would speak to Joey. And now all of the sudden they both were in a similar place and reached for comfort in each other. Rachel could just hope that she was doing enough for him, because she knew, that if it wasn't for Chandler, she would still be all miserable. And now all the Ross thing seemed to be a million miles away. She genuinely cared about Chandler. Oh, God, she really, really cared about him. Rachel's eyes widened. "Oh... my... God! I... like him. No, no. No, no. I have a crush on him!" A thought entered her mind scaring her to death. And still, deep, deep down she knew it wasn't that. No, she didn't have a crush on Chandler, she loved him. She simply loved him.

Rachel finished her coffee and decided to go over to talk to Monica. She just needed to know how she felt about all this. She came back to their apartment and saw Monica cleaning obsessively. This was not good. Rachel knew, that this meant, that something was really, really bad.

"Hi, Mon" she greeted her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She replied quickly. "What could possibly be wrong? I'm just cleaning. This mess is driving me crazy! But… no, nothing is wrong."

"Mon, I know you and I can see something is wrong. Come on, talk to me." She asked.

"It's nothing. It's… it's just… me!" Monica came and sat on the couch next to Rachel. "I'm so, so stupid!" she started to cry.

"Sweetie, what happened?" Rachel tried not to show Mon she knew the whole thing.

"I… I'm a horrible, horrible person!" she sobbed. "Rach, I… oh, God, I… I cheated on Richard!"

"What? When? How did this happen?"

"Tonight. I was all upset about him not wanting to have kids and… and I went over at Chandlers and…" she couldn't finish.

"Chandler? Mon, you slept with Chandler?"

"Yes…" she nodded.

"And? What happened next? Is there something between you guys?" she asked. For the first time now she hoped, that Monica didn't feel anything for Chandler.

"No! I love Richard." Monica looked at her angrily. "Of course there's nothing between me and Chandler. It just… just happened. But I do love Richard, y'know. I do…"

"Okay, calm down, Mon. It'll be fine. You were in difficult place and most probably that's why all this happened. The only thing I don't get is why would you want to sleep with Chandler? I mean... why?"

"I don't know! He's always around, y'know. And... and he's always so nice to us all. And... and it's not the first time... I mean it is since I'm with Richard, but... well we've done that once before. In London." she finished shyly.

"Oh... I see. So it's second time now, right? And... I mean... um, what? Are you attracted to him? Do you like him? I mean, if you wouldn't I assume you wouldn't have done it, right?" she wanted to get all the information. She needed to be sure, that Mon didn't have any feelings for him. Otherwise she simply couldn't get in a middle. Not that she was planning to though.

"Well, of course I like Chandler. And I guess I'm attracted to him in a way... But, uh... it's... it's just Chandler... and..."

"What do you mean 'just Chandler'?" Rachel interrupted angrily feeling that if Monica will say another word, she will literaly kill her.

"Well, y'know... I mean I like Chandler, but I've never thought of him this way. It's Chandler. Besides, you know him, even if I was looking for something serious, he'd freak out straight away. Not that I am, anyway. Oh, Rach, what do I do? Do you think I should tell Richard?"

"Yes. It's the only way. I mean you can't build the relationship on lies. Sure it's your call, but I think you should tell him. By the way, what does Chandler think of all this? Have you at least spoken to him?"

"I kind of freaked out this morning and I might have said things I don't really think... Yeah, I'll go talk to him as soon as he's back. You know, I think he kind of freaked out too. I mean he rushed out as soon as I woke up. Oh, God... I don't want to destroy our friendship! It will never ever happen again!"

"Okay. Calm down Mon. You have to prepare for two serious talks, so let's just go get a cup of tea and relax for a moment."

At the very same moment Phoebe entered Chandler's office.

"Hey, you!" she greeted him happily. "What's up? What are you doing?"

"Pheebs! Hi! Well, I am working and the question is what are you doing here?" he shared a little smile.

"Oh, oh... um, what's wrong? I mean, I was thinking of you all day and I had this feeling, that you're in trouble, y'know? Well to be honest, I had this spirit saying you're not fine."

"Oh Pheebs, you're so sweet, but I think this time your spirits were just kidding." he smiled at her trying to look as honest as possible "I'm absolutely fine."

"Uh... um, well they do that sometimes... Oh but, but I think I might misjudged them. Maybe I simply missed you and that's why I thought you were in trouble... Though... no, that's not it. You are in trouble, Chandler Bing. What's wrong?"

"Phoebe, really I'm fine. Never been better. I mean I'm gonna die alone, but other than that, I'm good."

"Oh... so you got all hung up on that again! No wonder I had a feeling something was wrong. Chandler, you're not gonna die alone. I can die with you, if you want! Oh, wait... oh hey, that would be so much fun! I'd show you the way to the light! Oh let's do that!"

"Right, okay, but let's not do it just now, okay? I kind of want to stick around for a while. But as soon as I'm in a mood for dying, I'll let you know" he laughed. It was so good to laugh. He didn't remember himself laughing honestly since London. "Thanks, Pheebs" he smiled at her softly.

"You're always welcome. It's just that I don't think, I could be doing it very often, but other than that, I'm always here for you."

"Do you want to go for a dinner or something? Or shall we meet at Central Perk after work?"

"Yeah, Central Perk will do. Okay, Chandler, I gotta go. I'm getting my aura cleaned this afternoon so I don't wanna be late. Let me now, if there'll be anything else bothering you, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks again. Bye!"

That evening, after work Chandler headed straight to Central Perk. He thought that maybe Monica was waiting to talk to him at home and he wasn't really ready yet, so he decided to go there. Besides, even if she would be there, more people would be there too. However, when he got to the coffee house, there was nobody there yet.

"Hi Gunther, can I have a cup of coffee please?"

"Hi Joey. Sure you can."

"Thanks. I'm Chandler by the way." he grinned.

"Really? Okay."

As Chandler sat down Monica walked in.

"Chandler, oh good, you're here" she smiled "I wanted to talk to you..."

"Really? Okay. What's up?" he tried to be as chilled as possible.

"Well... it's about this night. And this morning. I wanted to apologize. I'm so sorry... about all of this, y'know. I never should have come to you in the first place. And after I did, I shouldn't have acted this way this morning. I'm really sorry..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Besides, it's not like I didn't want that anyway... I mean I was there too, y'know." he said softly.

"It was great, wasn't it?" she smiled "Thank you so much for this night. I mean I still am a horrible, horrible person, but I really needed this. Thanks for being there."

"Anytime." he smiled. "No, not that I would want it again... I mean not that I wouldn't want it... Oh crap! I'm terrible at this." he frowned and took a deep breath. "I'm trying to say..."

"I know." she laughed. "Thanks, I'll..." she stop talking as Richard walked in. "Hi honey!"

"Hi, Monica! Chandler."

"Hi Richard." he said quietly. "Sorry, but I gotta go already. Bye!"

"I can't see them together" he thought on the way home. "I'll have to do anything not to see them..."

When he came back home, he saw Ross sitting and waiting for him.

„Hey, dude. What's up? What are you doing here?" He asked.

„Look, I just... um... I just need to speak to you, okay?" he seemed a bit confused.

„Sure. What's the matter?"

„Well, I've kind of... noticed, that you and Rachel are lately spending a lot of time together... and I was just wondering... y'know, if... there's something between you guys. I mean I know it's not my business anymore... um... uh... but y'know, it's Rachel and well..."

"Relax, man. There's nothing between me and Rach. I mean we are closer than ever, but as friends and nothing more. By the way, why do you care so much, I mean aren't you trying to get things working with Emily?" he wondered.

"Yeah, but… It's Rachel we're talking about. You know I care about her. And it just would be weird if there was something between you guys. I mean, I'm glad there isn't. It has been difficult enough to deal with her having boyfriends I don't know, not to think what it would be like if it was my best friend…" he laughed nervously.

"Well as I told you, Rachel and I are just friends and there's nothing happening between us." He smiled. "Besides, if there was something, I would have asked if it's okay with you first."

"Thanks, man. Okay, so now when we're clear, I think I'll better go. I'm meeting Emily late on and she's going to tell me I we can still work it out…"

"How are thing going between you two anyway? I mean, did she decide to come over here and stay in town? Or... Well, I don't know, are you going to go to London again?"

"No, she's coming over, but she has something serious to talk about and she wants to clear things before she decides anything, so today we'll try to sort everything. I just hope everything will be fine. I really missed her..."

"Well, good luck. I hope it'll be fine."


	5. Chapter 5

Hi all! Haven't been here for a long while - many different things happend while I was away :) hope there's at least someone's left who's still interested in this story and the turn it might take. If I have enough time, I might as well finish the story today :) I have it actually done - only need to post it somehow :)

Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this ;) r&r as always :)

Chapter 5

Few weeks later Rachel was trying to comfort Monica.

"Sweetie, it's gonna be fine. You knew it would have to end someday... I mean you guys want different things, you can't give up on having children someday and he... well, you can't make him do it."

"I know!" Monica cried. "But... I just love him so much... How am I going get through this again? Why did I put myself into it in the beginning?"

"You love him... But... you'll be okay. You'll get over this."

"I know... I know. It's just so hard!" she sobbed.

Chandler walked in the apartment and saw her crying. He rushed to her, looked at her and asked softly:

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"Monica had just broke up with Richard." Rachel answered softly.

"Rach, can I have a word with Mon?" he asked.

"Sure. I'll talk to you guys latter." she picked up her purse and left. As she was out of the apartment, she thought if she hadn't made a mistake. Chandler shouldn't be with Mon at the moment, he might get carried away and end up being hurt again. But there was not much she could do, only hope, that this won't happen. Especially now, when he was starting to get better and she started to like being with him a little too much.

"Mon, did you tell Richard about us?" Chandler asked softly while hugging her.

"No, I couldn't do that. I couldn't risk loosing him." her voice sounded bittersweet. "Not that I didn't lose him anyway..."

"So what happened? Is this about children again?"

"Yeah. I tried to put it off and not think about it, but... I just have to have children someday, y'know. And he just doesn't." she smiled sadly.

"Mon, calm down. You'll be fine. I mean you don't need a person who doesn't want what you want. You need someone, who'd do anything for you, who'd give his last breath to see you happy, who'd always, always knew how wonderful you are..."

Monica looked at him and smiled. She leaned forward and gently kissed him. "Thank you. That's so sweet."

Chandler stared at her. "Why did you kiss me?" he asked.

"I'm sorry... I... I really am terrible person. I just... I just need a friend, Chandler. The one who'd love me, the one who'd want me..."

Chandler pulled her closer and kissed her. "You have me" he whispered and kissed her again "I'm always here."

"I know. Will you be my friend tonight? Will you love me tonight?"

"I always will" he smiled and kissed her again. He felt he was loosing his mind. He understood she was just looking for comfort, but it didn't matter. What did matter was the fact, that she needed him and he was ready to be with her. Even if it just was for now, even though he knew she'd be picturing him.

Monica stood up, took his hand and led him to her room.

Another month passed. Monica would come over to Chandler at night every now and then. They'd have sex and she'd leave. In the beginning Chandler tried to talk about them but she just hushed him and told him, that he's her friend. Except that he's her friend she's sometimes sleeping with. Chandler settled for that. His heart was already broken and he kept telling himself, that this way he 

at least gets to be with her. Although, there always was little voice, saying it's not what he wants and that it's killing him. However, it was always easy to put this voice behind, when he was holding Monica in his arms. This morning he woke up with a biggest smile. It was second night in a row when Monica came. She didn't stay over, but at least she came. Chandler got dressed up and walked out the room.

"I heard you had a girl in there last night" Joey grinned "how was she?"

Both Chandler and Monica would keep their relationship in secret, so nobody except Rachel knew they were sleeping together.

"Yeah... well, it was good" Chandler smiled.

"Are you getting better at all dating thing?" Joey asked "I mean it's pretty often you get a date lately."

"You know, I think I just finally got lucky Joe."

"Hi guys!" Rachel entered. "Chandler, can I talk to you? In private."

"Sure. Wanna go outside, or wanna come in my room?" he asked smiling.

"I'll go to your room." she returned his smile.

"Man, you're definitely getting lucky!" Joey grinned.

Chandler closed the door and Rachel sat on his bed.

"So, what's up? What did you want to talk about?"

"You. And her. And you again." she smiled.

"Well, it's all the same. I love her, she doesn't love me back. I need her and apparently she needs me too. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she wants to have sex and leave. Yeah, pretty much the same." Bitterness in his voice was so deep. Rachel looked at him and showed him to sit next to her.

"You know you don't have to do that. You won't get over her until she keeps coming over. You won't be able to stop."

"Rach, I can't stop already. You should understand. I mean when you went after Ross everybody kept telling you it was wrong... and still you couldn't have done anything else. It's the same. I have this annoying voice in my head saying, that she's killing me and I'm letting her, but... How can I tell her 'no'?"

The love in his voice made Rachel ache. For some time now she has been feeling that Chandler was getting way to close to her. She thought about him all the time. And when he spoke with such love about Monica, he felt as if he was betraying her. As if Mon all of the sudden had become Chloe from the Xerox place.

"You have to tell her what you feel. Doesn't it hurt when she sneaks out after you had sex? Doesn't it hurt knowing she doesn't feel the same about you, that she doesn't even think about you, that she doesn't want to wake up next to you?"

Chandler looked at her as if she had hit him. "What are you doing?"

"I want you to understand what you're doing to yourself and what you're letting her do to you! Chandler, sweetie, you're worth so much more..."

"Rach, I love you, really, and I will always be grateful for what you've done for me. But I can't let you say, that Mon is not worth it. She is worth every second I spent thinking of her, every sleepless night, every moment of pain and happiness. She's worth everything I have, everything I do, everything I want. The only one unworthy here is actually me."

"Okay. Don't get mad." she hugged him and put her head on his shoulder. It was difficult to listen to his words. "I'm just tired."

"Come here" he took her in his arms and laid her on his bed. "Have a rest. You really look tired. You want me to go?"

"No. I want you to get here. I want just lay for a while with you. I don't want to be alone."

"Okay." he laid down and started stroking her hair. "I'll be here."


	6. Chapter 6

Ok, so one more. And only 1 to go. I might as well finish it in the end :) Enjoy :)

Chapter 6

Rachel woke up slowly. She moved a bit and felt she was held by something. She opened her eyes and saw Chandler. His head rested on her shoulder and he looked all peaceful and happy. His arms were around her. She smiled and thought she could just lay like this forever. Oh, if only he would want her... She never thought she'd ever want him, but here she was, laying with him and dreaming about the day he'd look at her differently. Chandler smiled in his sleep. Rachel smiled at him and slowly leaned to him. She press her lips against his slowly, lightly. Chandler's arms pulled her closer and still sleeping he returned her kiss passionately.

"Oh... Chandler" she moaned.

Suddenly Chandler broke the kiss. "Rachel? What's going on? We were making out?"

"No!" she lied. "You wish!"

"Oh... that's weird. I just had the most realistic dream ever. I dreamt I was kissing you and apparently you liked it... Rach, I'm getting all crazy."

"Calm down, sweetie. It was just a dream. And what do you mean I liked it? Didn't you like it?"

"Yeah I did! Hell, I was kissing Rachel!" he smiled at her.

"Was it nice?" she asked slowly leaning towards him.

"It... it was... was good..." Chandler stared at her eyes. He couldn't break the look. There was simply something very special in her eyes. Something Chandler has never seen in Monica's eyes. A sparkle. A feeling. Chandler leaned a bit closer to her.

"Good? Like this?" she kissed him slowly.

"Oh..." Chandler moaned and pulled her closer. They sank into the kiss. Suddenly he forgot everything. It was just Rachel and him. He felt she's shivering. He felt her heart start beating faster. She wrapped her arms around him. They kissed for several minutes without breaking the kiss. Finally Chandler backed out. He looked at her curiously and smiled.

"This... was... good..."

"It was, wasn't it?" she returned his smile.

"But... But... what was it, Rach? I mean, I've never done _that_ with you."

"I don't know. I think I just got curious... I mean..." she couldn't finish. She couldn't tell him, that she was falling in love with him and that she just couldn't stand that anymore.

"Curious, huh?" he looked at her and gave her his hurted smile. "What is it with you girls? Why can't any of you simply like me? Am I so hideous? Dull? Stupid?"

He stood up and started dressing up as quickly as he possibly could.

"Chandler! No, Chandler!" she tried to explain, but Chandler was not listening.

"No, Rachel, I understand. You were curious... I mean of course nobody like you would ever be interested in me... Is just that you have been telling me I should give myself some credit and so on, so I thought... Oh well, I know it's stupid. And it's not even that I want you to be into me or anything, but you know after being friend to everyone for so long, it would just be nice to be interested in for once... „. With that he rushed out of the room.

"Chandler, wait!" she caught him in a hallway. "You are stupid!" she shouted at him. "And you're blind!" Rachel couldn't take it anymore. She ran into her apartment, into her room and locked the door. Chandler went after her, but stopped, when he saw Monica in the living room. She was all dressed up and beautiful. And she was with the date. Chandler looked at her and couldn't believe it.

"I don't believe I met you" he said to her date "I'm Chandler. An idiot." added sarcastically and knocked on Rachel's door. "Rach! I'm sorry, Rach! Please, please let me in!" he pleaded.

"Get out!" she shouted. "I don't want to talk to you!"

"Rach! Please... I'm so, so sorry! You're right! I am stupid! How could I've been so stupid? And so blind?"



Rachel opened the door a little bit. "It's because you're an idiot,"

"I am an idiot." he smiled at her. "Rach, please, please don't be mad at me. Be my friend again..."

Rachel sighed. "I am your friend, Chandler." She went out of her room and hugged him. "Come in, let's talk." She took his hand and walked him in closing the door in front of stunned Monica.

"I'm sorry Rach, you've been so great with me and I had no right to shout at you that way. I'm really really sorry..."

"It's okay, sweetie, I can understand how insecure you might be lately." she gave him a small smile. "But anyway, you have no right to think I'm that shallow." she frowned at him.

"I know, I know..." he looked at her hopefully "do you forgive me?"

"Alright" she laughed "don't you give me that puppy look!"

"You're the best, Rach!" he hugged her.

"So, how are you? Y'know, about Monica dating and all…" she asked softly. She didn't want him to start moaning about her again, but she knew, that one kiss she gave him couldn't change the whole Monica madness.

"I… I don't know. I mean I'm an idiot. What was I thinking?" he smiled sadly. "She obviously thinks I'm her sex buddy or something. She's dating… Y'know, I'm good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to date… Could I be more pathetic?" he laughed sarcastically.

"Chandler!" she screamed.

"I'm kidding Rach!" He smiled. "Y'know I'm kind of getting angry. I mean, you keep saying I'm okay. Then how come does she treat me as if I wasn't worth anything but sex, when she's in a mood? But… I came after you not speak about that. I came to talk about what happened between you and me."

"Yeah?" she smiled. "And what happened between you and me?"

"Well… y'know. We kind of kissed there…"

"Yeah, we did." She laughed. "And?"

"And I wanted to ask why?" he looked at her curiously. "I don't believe it was curiosity or something. What was it, Rach?"

"What do you think it was? It was kiss. Chandler, I told you were blind. And now I'm saying you need to figure it out." She pulled him closer and hugged him.

Monica entered the room and froze. She saw Chandler hugging Rachel and somehow it didn't feel right. It was she, who was supposed to hug him, not Rachel. After all, it was Monica, who kept sneaking into Chandler's room at night.

"Is everything okay?" she asked frowning. "I thought you guys were fighting or something."

"We're okay." Rachel answered frowning. She looked at Chandler and saw the look he gave Monica. It was so loving… She couldn't stand it. "I gotta go work." She said sharply and walked out as fast as she could.

"Rach..." Chandler started to walk after her.

"What was all this about?" Monica took Chandler's hand and gave him a long gaze. "Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"Yeah, kind of. But it's fine now."

"Oh, okay. Look, Chandler, I have to ask. Is there something between you and Rach?"

"Um... no, I don't think so... I mean... No..."

Monica looked at him. It was all very strange. She needed to know that he still wants her, that nothing has changed. "Do you want to come over to my room?" she asked slowly.

Chandler looked at her and surprisingly realized that he really didn't want go that way right now.

"No, not now." He replied quietly. "Aren't you with a date or something?"

"No. He… left. I kind of asked him to leave."

"Why?" he was surprised.

"Because I didn't want him to stay. Isn't it obvious?" she smiled.

"Mon, I gotta ask. Why do you keep coming to me at night?"



"Because you're my friend. Because I like you. Because I thought you liked it too..."

"Then how come you're dating? I mean, why aren't you dating me? Why is it just sex?"

"What are you talking about? I thought you liked being just kind of 'sex buddies' or something. I mean it's you, Chandler. I never would have thought you were looking for relationship. At least I'm not."

"Really? Then why do you date? I mean it's obviously not for sex, you can get it whenever you want, so it must be for relationship. And apparently, I'm not good enough for relationship, am I?" he looked at her angrily.

"Chandler, come on! It's not that. I think you're good for relationship. It's just that it's you and me, y'know. I never thought of you that way."

"Mon, you've never thought of me at all. If you would have, you'd see how desperately I wanted you... How painfully I watched you getting back with Richard. How much it hurt to see you all devastated about him. How much I waited for you every single night and how much it hurt to see you sneaking out, to know you don't even want to wake up with me." his voice rose slightly as he began to shake. "You would have noticed how happy I was every single time you'd look at me, smile at me, kissed me... You would have noticed I'm desperately in love with you!"

"Oh my God, Chandler! You're in love with me?" Monica was shocked. She knew he had a crush on her, but love?

"Yeah, well... It doesn't really matter."

"What do you mean 'it doesn't matter'? Of course it does! It's huge! Oh, God... I'm so, so sorry... It must have been so difficult to you! Oh, why didn't you tell me?"

"What for? It wouldn't change anything, except that I don't think you'd keep coming over." he sighed. "Well, anyway, now you know. And I assume it's all over now, right?" he couldn't help it hoping.

"Well... I mean... there are feelings now, y'know... and well we can't just fool around anymore... not that you were... but..." she took a deep breath. "I like you Chandler, I really do, but I'm not ready to get into serious relationship. And I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm so, so sorry..."

"It's okay. I understand." he replied sadly. "Don't worry about it. Alright" he shook his head. "I gotta go. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"Chandler... Can... can I kiss you... one last time?"

He smiled, pulled her closer and kissed her. Monica closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck. It was strange to her, she kept thinking that it was Chandler who she was kissing, but it didn't matter anymore. She enjoyed the kiss so much. Her eyes widened. She really enjoyed that!

Chandler broke the kiss, smiled at her and left. He came home, laid on the couch and took a deep breath. This was weird. He felt... relieved. That last kiss really seemed to be last and... and he had to be honest to himself - he didn't really want another kiss. When Rachel kissed him, he felt special. He felt it was right. And now, when he kissed Monica it didn't seem right! It seemed he was betraying Rach. And he didn't want to betray her. She was sweet and caring and she'd always support him. He liked Rachel. He stood up quickly. Oh, God! He liked Rachel! How could this happen? When did this happen? What about Mon? Chandler knew that he'd always have a special place for Monica in his heart, but... Oh, God! He really, really had to speak to Rachel. He couldn't wait till she gets back home. He rushed out of the apartment hoping to find her at work. In the hallway he found Monica. She was on her way to him.

"Chandler" she spoke softly. "I was thinking about what you said and... and I think... we could try... y'know"

"Mon, I'm sorry, but... Oh God, how do I get myself into these situations? Mon, I don't think we should try." he said slowly. "I don't think I want it anymore. I think I want... Rachel. I'm so sorry, but a have to go. I'm sorry." he rushed out.

He suddenly felt free. He felt it was good to live again. He felt he'd do anything to keep Rach with him. On the way to her work he couldn't help smiling. "I am an idiot!" he thought happily. "And 

blind. Rach is so right. Oh, God, I just hope it's not too late."

"Ra... " he ran into her office and froze.

He saw her in the arms of Ross.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! It is the last one! I'm so happy – no stories should be left unfinished and I'm proud to say even if this is not the best thing you've ever read, at least it's complete 

Chapter 7

"Oh my God, Chandler!" Rachel sighed.

"Hey, dude." Ross looked at him surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm... I'm... visiting." he managed to say. "What's going on? Are you to back together again?"

"Well, uh... um... we kind of didn't have a chance to talk this through yet." Ross replied.

"Oh, alright." he stared at Rachel. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to get in the middle of anything... I just... Oh, God... I'm sorry Rach. I was an idiot. Now I know that. I finally got it. I know it's too late now." he smiled at her sadly and hugged her. "Be happy, okay?" he whispered then let go of her. "See you guys later." he left.

"What was that?!" Ross was shocked.

"That was something I was waiting for weeks." she said happily. "Sorry, Ross. I don't think us getting back together would be great idea. I moved on, Ross. And I really believe that's for the best. I love you, y'know, but as a friend."

"Oh... um... huh... okay. Sure. I understand." he backed out. "Okay... I'd better go." He left.

Rachel sat down smiling. Did he really figured everything out? And what about Mon? Was it really over? The more she thought about it, the more unbelievable it seemed. She decided she couldn't have doubts anymore and that she would go to see Chandler as soon as she's off work.

Chandler was sitting in his room and mentally kicking himself for letting this to happen. She was there every single day and he had to figure out he had feelings for her the day she decided to get back with Ross! It's Ross! How can he try to get in the middle of the whole 'Ross and Rachel' thing? He fell down on his bed and hid his head under the pillow. "I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot." he repeated. "Why, why, why did it take me so long to realize I need her? It was so obvious! I can't be without her! I need her! Idiot, idiot, idiot!"

"You are an idiot, sweetie... Even bigger one than I thought if you think I'm gonna let you go" Rachel stood in a doorway.

"Rach!" he jumped of the bed. "Rach..." he hugged her.

Rachel looked at him closely. "Is it really over? No more Monica?"

"No. No more Monica, no more craziness, no more stupidity." he smiled. "No more Ross?"

"It's you and me." she leaned closer to him and they kissed. No more disappointments, no more sorrow, no more anger.

"I love you, sweetie..." she moaned.

"I love you too." he smiled. "Wait; are we in the relationship now?"

"If you freak out, I'll kill you." she laughed.

"You love me..."

"Yeah. And no more talking, sweetie. We have some unfinished business from the morning" she kissed him passionately.

Chandler knew there was something else he wanted to tell, a joke maybe... Well it didn't matter anymore.

The End.


End file.
